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Thread: Todays Chuckle
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02-16-2019, 09:19 AM #71
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In pre-marriage counseling the minister asked if I knew the one food that diminishes a woman's sex drive? He answered his own question, wedding cake.
Tom & Nancy
Newport, MI
369RL, #302
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02-16-2019, 09:30 AM #72
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In pre-marriage counseling the minister said that marriage is a union. A union of heart, a union of soul, a union of minds, but wait till you have to pay those union dues.
Tom & Nancy
Newport, MI
369RL, #302
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02-16-2019, 04:33 PM #73
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- Mar 2017
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- Cedaredge, CO
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Know what a guy found in a gutter all beat up and covered in blood is? The last man to tell a blond joke.
2018 Solitude 375 RES 2022 F450 Powerstroke Dually
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02-27-2019, 10:15 AM #74
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Husband to Police.
My wife is missing.
She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height & weight ?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes & Hair ?
Husband: Brown I think. Hair Changes a couple times a year. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my Jeep.
Sergeant: What kind of Jeep was it?
Husband: (sobbing)
It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer......
Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.
John2018 Silverado LTZ 3500HD CC LB 4X4 DRW Duramax/Allison
2019 Momentum 381M w/Full Body Paint
2016 Can Am Spyder F3 Limited Special Series
2017 Can Am Outlander 1000 XT-P
2016 Wrangler Hard Rock Unlimited
1997 Bayliner Capri 1950 affectionately named Skinnydipper
MSgt, USAF (Ret)
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03-04-2019, 11:20 AM #75
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Old age, when you finally know all the answers but can not remember the questions.
Brian
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03-12-2019, 12:15 PM #76
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- Aug 2016
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Random Thought: Always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before calling the person on the other end an a**hole.
John2018 Silverado LTZ 3500HD CC LB 4X4 DRW Duramax/Allison
2019 Momentum 381M w/Full Body Paint
2016 Can Am Spyder F3 Limited Special Series
2017 Can Am Outlander 1000 XT-P
2016 Wrangler Hard Rock Unlimited
1997 Bayliner Capri 1950 affectionately named Skinnydipper
MSgt, USAF (Ret)
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03-12-2019, 01:52 PM #77
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Speakin' of phones
Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly..
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer. Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?' 'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, ‘I'll betcha a case of beer you are...'
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03-13-2019, 05:10 AM #78
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Some people use psychics to contact the spirit would, others use bartenders.
Brian
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03-13-2019, 09:57 AM #79
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Dinner Conversation:
Wife: "You never listen to what I'm saying, you only hear what you want to hear"
Husband: "Why yes Honey, a beer sounds lovely"
John2018 Silverado LTZ 3500HD CC LB 4X4 DRW Duramax/Allison
2019 Momentum 381M w/Full Body Paint
2016 Can Am Spyder F3 Limited Special Series
2017 Can Am Outlander 1000 XT-P
2016 Wrangler Hard Rock Unlimited
1997 Bayliner Capri 1950 affectionately named Skinnydipper
MSgt, USAF (Ret)
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03-14-2019, 09:38 AM #80
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Random Thought:
I swear, the only purpose of ceiling fans is to accumulate a ridiculous amount of dust!
John2018 Silverado LTZ 3500HD CC LB 4X4 DRW Duramax/Allison
2019 Momentum 381M w/Full Body Paint
2016 Can Am Spyder F3 Limited Special Series
2017 Can Am Outlander 1000 XT-P
2016 Wrangler Hard Rock Unlimited
1997 Bayliner Capri 1950 affectionately named Skinnydipper
MSgt, USAF (Ret)
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Morryde Safe-T-rail install issues
Today, 12:55 AM in Mods and DIY