Musician Jokes

[vonzoog]

OMG........Makes you want to go to Muncie, Indiana...........and that's no joke.

[Second Chance]

Awwww come on Rob....

OK, here are a few I can remember:

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

How do you get the lead guitarist to turn down his amp? Put sheet music in front of him.

How can you tell the stage is level? The lead guitarist drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What's a burning oboe good for? Setting the bassoon on fire.

If you throw a 200 lb. soprano and a 300 lb. tenor off a 200 ft. cliff, which one will hit the bottom first? The tenor. The soprano will stop half way down to ask for direction.

What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha? Lipstick.

How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? Three - one to change the bulb and two to tell her she can't reach that high.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just stands there and the whole world revolves around her.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None - we're too cool for that kind of work.

What's the most common phrase in a drummer's vocabulary? "Would you like fries with that order, sir?"

We were on a road trip once with the band. The drummer accidentally got locked in the van with the keys. It took us three hours to get him out.

I might remember a few more later... but I'm getting old.

Rob

[Chiefblueman]

OK, here are a few I can remember:

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

How do you get the lead guitarist to turn down his amp? Put sheet music in front of him.

How can you tell the stage is level? The lead guitarist drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What's a burning oboe good for? Setting the bassoon on fire.

If you throw a 200 lb. soprano and a 300 lb. tenor off a 200 ft. cliff, which one will hit the bottom first? The tenor. The soprano will stop half way down to ask for direction.

What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha? Lipstick.

How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? Three - one to change the bulb and two to tell her she can't reach that high.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just stands there and the whole world revolves around her.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None - we're too cool for that kind of work.

What's the most common phrase in a drummer's vocabulary? "Would you like fries with that order, sir?"

We were on a road trip once with the band. The drummer accidentally got locked in the van with the keys. It took us three hours to get him out.

I might remember a few more later... but I'm getting old.

Rob

OK Rob, you win! I had to clean some mac 'n cheese off the keyboard after that

[J&G garage]

Wow! Those were cold. Good job. 👍

[VinceB]

As an old guitar player, those jokes brought back a lot of memories...and some good laughs. Thanks for sharing.

[tkkmcjo]

OK... Here's the worst music pun ever:

"When crossing the street, you better C# or you will Bb!

Oh, and if you happen to be a trombone player, you might get a kick out of the FB link below...ENJOY

https://www.facebook.com/helen.mcgol...9820488405275/

[Drolaw]

What's the difference between a musician and a Mutual Fund? One will eventually mature and make money.

What has three legs and an a**hole on top? A drummer's stool.

Why did Bono fall off the stage? He was too close to The Edge.

How do you get a guitarist off of your front porch? Pay him for your pizza.

If a groupie is a girl who hangs out with a band. What do you call a man who does the same? The bass player.

[bigb56]

A group of tourists arrive on a remote tropical island for a Fantasy Island sort of retreat. The first day a guide takes them on a tour of the island and at every stop the sound of distant native drumming can be heard. Each time, one of the tourists asks about it and the guide simply replies "drums must never stop". After hearing the guide reply a half dozen times a guy in the back speaks up and says "You keep saying drums must never stop, what will happen if the drums stop?" The guide replies "Bass solo".

[bigb56]

Speaking of a bass solo:

[tkkmcjo]

Surely you've heard about the bass player that locked his keys in his car? It took him 3hrs to get the drummer out...